Eyes Update

We met with the eye surgeon who has pretty much ducked all our questions such as would Leo be able to drive in the future (not sure), will his sight improve (not sure, but maybe), is the op risky (yes due to significant risk of infection due to dry eye and need for stitches in his eye), blah blah, blah. We have also been told that all being well with his right eye post-op, the surgeon will plan to do his left eye 3 months afterwards. So the first op is Weds, Jan 5th and then with 'normal' cataract ops, the second eye is done one week later however due to the risks with doing these ops on small, still growing eyes as well as the dry eye problems, they prefer to wait 3 months before scheduling the second eye.

Leo has also fallen down the stairs at school and hurt his leg, but shook him up quite a bit. So much so, he doesn't want to go downstairs at home without someone there as he says it's too blurry. We're not sure whether he just wasn't concentrating at school or whether his perception of depth is altered due to the cataracts.

It appears our initial fears over the lack of answers provided by the surgeon are unfounded - it led us to believe he wasn't sure what he was doing however, it's much more clear having sought out further info, that the surgeon literally cannot tell us if Leo will ever be allowed to drive and all our other fears because he doesn't know. His primary objective is to prevent Leo going blind. Without these operations, that's the absolute end result. So we've no option but to lead Leo back to the hospital in January for his operation - followed by eye drops every 30 minutes, 24/7 for at least a week post-op and then every hour, 24/7 for another week or more so as to try and prevent infection in the eye, which again leads to loss of sight. It's a strange one as normally when you sign a consent form for surgery or a general anaesthetic, as we've done over 70 times for Leo from May 2008, you usually have a fair idea of the outcome and associated risks. We don't in this case so we'll have to literally wait and see.

I also feel bad that I assumed cataracts ops are the same regardless of whether you're in your 80's or a child, however the more I've learned, the more I realise this was a foolish conclusion to come to. Last week we met another surgeon at the Eye Hospital after Leo's right eye swelled up in a similar way to when he was first diagnosed. Turned out it was eczema inside and on the outside of his upper and lower eyelid - which in itself is not an issue and is no reason to prevent the operation in January going ahead, but can slow the healing process and again increase risk of infection. I digress ... this particular surgeon we met said that he would want Leo's surgeon to do any op on his or any of his family if they needed it, and that he has even operated to remove cataracts on a two week old baby.

It was therefore good to meet this doctor despite the circumstances where PJ and I thought we were very much dealing with a relapse. How on earth do we then tell our son of nearly 6 years of age that he'd need to have the meds which make him sick again? I spent the night before we went to the A&E thinking through how we were going to tell our families and the new friends Leo has made at school - and so when the nurse at the Eye Hospital A&E told us to go get some lunch and come back in an hour, we both felt (but didn't tell each other) that they were rounding up the troops! Anyway, it was eczema not cancer so phew! And it would not have been great timing as my Uncle was taken very sick that same weekend so not sure our family could have coped with any more stress or bad news.

Chest x-ray on Monday, Dec 13th with check-up with his oncologist also, followed by three more visits to hospital (egg challenge, eye hospital checks and psychology / play therapy) before the day of his first operation in early January. Then his op and then another head MRI under a general anaesthetic at some point in January, plus weekly eye checks post-op so plenty going on for our brave boy.

Growth Hormone & Cataracts

Sorry I've not been around to update of late - lots has been happening.

It's two years to the day that Leo completed chemo. Two whole years.

I think I'd be lying if I said I knew this day would come. Two years ago when Leo completed his chemo by eating a plate of roast potatoes he'd requested on the ward at Bristol Children's Hospital, I never imagined this day in my mind. I could barely think about the next month, never mind seeing his start Year 1 at school 23 months after finishing chemo.

And so Leo is settled into school at Ashton Vale and things have moved on in terms of the treatment he continues to have as a direct result of his cancer treatment. The long list of late effects which his specialists told us about in 2008 are all now apparent, except for the learning disabilities.

He takes thyroxine every morning due to the damage by radiotherapy to his pituitary gland, and his right eye is very dry (again due to radiation) and so he now has eye gel 4 times a day and ointment at night. Leo has grown 2 cms in 2 years so still in age 4 - and he's 6 in January (!!!).

In August this year, Leo started daily injections of growth hormone - it's not the nicest way to start Leo's bedtime routine; however, the injections are starting to have their desired effect.

His appetite is much improved which is a huge relief for us, he is changing shape (although we had his feet checked again today and after 2.5 years at size 27, he is still this size ... so we'll have to wait a little longer to buy a larger size), his jawline is changing away from a toddler's round face to more of a boy's face - and all being well, he could grow some 6-8 cms in the next 10-12 months.

It would be very unfair to say he likes his injections as who would? But he is kind of resigned to it, and Leo does know and sort of accept he has to have his 'Easypod' injections. He can't do the injections himself as the needle is in his skin for a length of time to allow the medicine to go into his muscles - so either PJ or I do them each evening and it is horrible injecting your own child, plus it serves as a daily reminder of what he has had and continues to deal with.

Back in August, Leo was also diagnosed with cataracts and until October, we'd assumed this was purely in his right eye, however we've since learned that he has cataracts in both eyes. He wasn't due to return to the Eye Hospital for 4 months after his summer appointment, but once Leo started school again in September, it soon became very clear that he was struggling.

His teachers as well as PJ and I noticed the problem as we were still having to carry him home (growth hormone had not kicked in so his energy levels were rock bottom after a day at school), he also was becoming adamant that he didn't want to go to school and was finding the new regime very difficult.

Initially, we assumed that the transition from Reception to Year 1 were causing Leo's unease with school. In discussion with other parents, this is what they were saying as their children were taking time to settle in. However, there was just something niggling away in mine and PJ's mind so we requested a meeting with the school's Head. She was very supportive and backed up our fears that Leo was perhaps struggling more than others and had 'changed' from his outgoing self from the previous year. Funnily enough, the afternoon of this meeting saw Leo come home and tell me he couldn't see properly and 'everything is too bright'.

Off went an email to his oncologist as well as a phone call to his eye consultant and we saw them last week. The upshot is the cataract in his right eye is in the middle of his eye and has grown significantly in just 2 months. It was also confirmed he has a cataract in his left eye but it's on the periphery of the outside of his eye and has not developed as quickly as the one in his other eye.

Where does that leave Leo? Well, he's now facing surgery very soon to remove the cataract in his right eye and then glasses for both short and long vision as the lens they replace will only give Leo one fixed point of vision in the distance. As he is so young and small, it's quite likely he will then have to have this lens replaced again in 3-4 years to come - with older people who undergo cataracts surgery, it's rare they have to have another op as they've stopped growing.

Cataracts are very rare in children although some can be born with them (3 in 10,000 children can be born with congenital cataracts). Whilst the first op can be seen as 'standard', not all docs who do cataracts operations in the UK, do them on children! The second op can damage the eye considerably but we'll cross that bridge once it's upon us.

We meet the surgeon on November 17th so we will have some more answers about things then but we do know the forthcoming months will be rather unsettling for Leo as after the op, his sight has to settle down before he can be prescribed with glasses (probably bifocals or one pair of each). He'll therefore not be able to see properly for between 4-8 weeks so not quite sure what this will mean for Leo. At some point in the years to come, he will then go through it again with his left eye.

Don't think people realise that children who survive cancer at Leo's age have to go through so much. His injections for growth hormone will last until he is in his mid-20's or more and the fallout of his eyesight issues can continue as long, if not longer. Having said that, I guess we should be thankful; at least Leo is with us and makes us smile on a daily basis; we were initially told that if he did survive, it's likely he would be blind in his right eye anyway - so I guess we should smile despite all this things.

On a sad note and a real wake up call, two children who had treatment at the same time as Leo, have sadly had to start their battle again - Harry who is undergoing further treatment for Ewing's Sarcoma and also Timmy, whose cancer was very similar to Leo's, and he is battling embryonal rhabdomyosarcoma again. Our thoughts are with their families and we hope all goes well for them.

Thanks for all your support and prayers for Leo, and I will update soon - as soon as we know more about his forthcoming op.

More Disney Pics and Medical Update

Leo's appointment with the neuro-endocrine people has been brought forward to tomorrow so we await their findings from the Insulin Tolerance Test of two weeks ago. He also endured 3 cannulas in his hands in order to enable to oncology day beds staff to administer a kidney function test. A blood result from a month or so ago, I forget now, showed that his kidney function / urea was not right and we already know his kidney function is damaged from the chemo but it's decreased since the last test about a year ago which is the last time his kidney function was tested.

So the neuro-endocrine test was not too pleasant but the nurses and doctor were fantastic, although very serious, given the circumstances. Essentially the docs administer insulin which made Leo very faint and sweaty and reduced his blood sugar to less than 2, which is why he felt unwell. They then gave him some glucose intravenously, waited for a minute or so, checked his blood sugar again, gave him crisps and strong squash but his blood sugar was not responding - and then gave him some more glucose via the IV to bring his blood sugar up again. Then they check his blood sugar every 5 minutes plus take samples at regular intervals - then finally he was allowed some proper food after the final blood sample....

and so tomorrow, we'll find out what's going on for sure and whether a lifetime regime of growth hormone injections are on the cards.

Leo is doing great with his thyroid tablets and I learned that it's not actually his thyroid which is a problem - it's the messenger signals from the pituitary gland in the brain to the thyroid which is working too hard, hence the thyroid tablets. Make sense? No, nor does it to me some days.

PS. Hope you like the Disney pictures above!

Another Step on the Journey, after our Trip to the USA

Leo had a clear chest x-ray today and rather relieved. Tolerance test Wednesday to confirm his growth hormone definiciency and then GFR next Tuesday to check what kind of kidney function he has as his last bloods showed they weren't optimal.

So hospital stuff over with....we have returned from what could be called a Dream Holiday - it was all about Leo and what he needed, but was restoring for all three of us. We've returned to the UK with a renewed vigour despite returning to 3 appointments for Leo in the first ten days home.

Pics of the whole Disney part of the trip will be posted as soon as the CD arrives from Disney.

Two Years On...

It was two years ago to the day that Leo had not only a cancer diagnosis, but a 5 hour operation to put the Hickmann central line in, biopsy the tumour to give formal diagnosis, bone marrow spinal tap and a regime of chemo and radiotherapy ahead of him.

And he's doing great. Loving school, loving life and soooo looking forward to his holiday in a few weeks - not that he knows the details....if only he knew about Give Kids the World and all the Disney treats he has in store! He's excited enough about the 9 hour plane ride, nevermind how he'll be when we start telling him all the details!

I watched a truly inspirational programme about Major Phil Packer this evening which has helped me to put our life into perspective and give me a bit of a kick up the behind. I've needed it as the scare we had over Easter, when we thought the cancer had made a return, has really struck me down emotionally..and physically as I've had neuralgia and a dodgy tummy bug for the past two weeks, which seems to happen when there's been major emotional roller coasters to deal with.

Major Phil Packer was significantly injured on duty for the British Army and yet, his strength of mind has seen him walk again when only 2% would do so given his injuries. This is the man who completed the London Marathon in 14 days in 2009 amd this year, he completed it in just 26 hours with each hour relating to fundraising for a specific charity. The Major's 'thing' is to inspire and he's certainly done that and then some. Here's a man who has taken his new path in life and made it work for him.

This is what we must do. Yes, we do live day to day wondering if the cancer will return although the fear is not as crippling as it was one year ago, so that is good for the future. A letter today from the neuroendocrine specialist has said Leo's thyroid is not working hard enough so he'll need a daily tablet and our GP will sort this out for us. This morning this upset me as it's another 'thing' for Leo to deal with. Tonight, I am just thankful that he's still with us, living, laughing and cancer-free.

Tomorrow is a new day and I cannot wait...

Strange Fortnight

Very weird fortnight and probably the most stressful since the end of Leo's treatment in Dec 2008. His eye started to swell in a similar way to before he was diagnosed with cancer and so his docs decided to do an MRI which isn't really scheduled for another month or so. It really looks like nothing very much if you look at the picture above but given the speed at which the tumour grew last time, it was crucial we made sure nothing untoward was happening behind Leo's eye to make it swell again. Luckily, and thankfully, nothing is growing again and the tumour bit left behind is behaving and not doing anything which is cause for concern. So we're not sure why his eye is doing this but hey, let's see how it goes.

To say we've had little to no sleep this last two weeks is an understatement but at least we can move on - although now it's a case of working out what's going on with Leo's eye that it's like this. But it's not cancer so that's a huge, huge relief.

I put the other pics on to show what Leo gets up to on the oncology day beds ward at the Bristol Children's Hospital whilst he was waiting for yet another general anaesthetic on Friday. He was even given a lovely certificate for being brave when having his general which is really nice.

We met a new family who have joined our family of those with childhood cancer - a lovely one child family like ours whose son, 7 year old Felix, had his left kidney out 3 weeks ago as he had a Wilms Tumour.

Thankfully the cancer had not spread but Felix has to undergo 6 months chemo to make sure. He has an excellent prognosis with over 98% of children at stage 1 going on to live a full and healthy life which is fantastic.

However my thoughts, feelings and prayers are all with Felix and his mum and dad this week. He had his central line put in whilst we were down having Leo undergo his general for the MRI, and then that central line was going to give him his first dose of vincristine, followed by another ten doses every Friday for the next ten weeks, and then more chemo. It really brought home that fear you have when your son first has chemo pushed into his veins. His parents were completely shell-shocked as you'd imagine and there will little I could say apart from small words of support.

The strange thing was that this family were staying at Clic House where we spent over 3 months at the beginning of this journey - not only that but they were living in room 6 which is the same room we had, so I felt a real affinity with them. It was also the first time we met a family newly-diagnosed since we finished treatment with Leo. All the dread and worry came flooding back and I hope I didn't transfer those emotions to them. We went from thinking the cancer had returned at 12 noon to confirming it hadn't with Leo's oncologist and radiologist at 5pm - phew. But the Felix family were just starting their new life with cancer now a major part of it.

I am sending all my positive vibes in their direction as in the next 10-14 days, Felix's hair will start to fall out in clumps and they enter that whole new world of temperatures, infection, chemo, central lines,bugs, hospitals, chemo, cancer, fear etc etc etc.

More Medical Updates

Saw the endocrine specialist Tuesday morning and although Leo has grown 3 cms since last June, it's not enough and his bloods as well as the lack of growth show the doctors that his growth has slowed massively. Due to the following reasons, we're likely to start growth hormone injections every night for the rest of his life;

1. Thyroid seems to be working as his weight has not slowed in terms of growth as much as his height - last time he was on the 9th percentile on the growth chart and now it's not on the chart so under the zero-th percentile, whereas his weight is steady around the 20-25th percentile. Leo had bloods done Tuesday (and was awesome, again watching the needle go into his hand without a squirm or a squeal - very proud).

2. He seems to have developed a pot belly and although we're now buying Leo aged 4 trousers, it's not due to needing the length but needing to have enough room for his tummy!! His specialist says that a pot belly is indicative that his thyroid is fine but his growth hormone is stifled.

3. These two above indicate his thyroid is working (although we'll know for sure once the bloods confirm this) and the two things which could cause you not to grow are thyroid and lack of growth hormone. So if his thyroid is okay, then it's lack of growth hormone and damage to the pituitary gland as a result of the radiotherapy to his brain.

4. Finally, and this bit PJ and I are really confused about, but the wrist x-ray Leo had last June was examined for bone age and his wrist showed that his bones are those of a two year old? Not quite sure how that happens as he was only diagnosed with cancer at aged 3 years, 3 months? So how does one have a bone age of a two year old? Will ask that question next time we see the doc but it was all a bit shocking to hear all these things on Tuesday that you forget to ask the things that you really want answers to because you're busy listening to things you don't want to hear and your brain takes time therefore to process that info.

It's the first appointment in a while that PJ and I feel very tested about because it's all so real now - yes, we should be grateful that Leo does not have cancer any longer and he's not relapsed as yet, but as if having cancer isn't enough, he now has these other issues. Okay, yes, so kids all over have daily injections if they've got diabetes but they're not our children. Leo is our child and it's just heart-breaking that given all he's been through, it doesn't end. And it won't end...

Anyway, Leo is great at having his bloods done and he even reminds us at night for his daily eye cream when at the beginning he hated it...so perhaps after a few weeks of heartache with encouraging Leo that he needs to have this little painful shot, he'll be fine and it'll be the norm!

The next step is a day in the hospital as an in-patient and they'll give him insulin to make him hypo to see what his body does, as this is meant to provoke the body to send out growth hormone - and chemically, if his body doesn't do this, then he'll become poorly, at which point they'll give him glucose to bring him back out of it - and that's the final proof they need that chemically his body does not respond the way it's meant to. After that, we'll start on the road to daily injections of growth hormone.

Eye hospital next week so a good check on his cataract growth so who knows that that'll bring...

Medical Update

Sorry for the delay in getting info on the site and also the huge gap between this and our last update.

After 4 weeks of no hospital appointments, we're now back in the realms of plenty of hospital appointments and so the latest was on Monday. Thankfully, Leo's latest cancer check-up has been clear - no cancer in his lungs / chest which is the main worry as that's where it's most likely to return. Leo was once again fantastic having his chest x-ray done and really, truly, could probably get his x-ray done every two months on his own! He knows exactly how to get to the hospital, which floor he needs for his chest x-ray, what he has to do once the radiologist calls him in for his x-ray and then where he needs to go to meet with Dr. Steve for his follow up.

Last week, we did have a few moments where Leo had said he didn't want to go to the hospital but we've managed to allay those fears for now and he behaved very well on Monday.

One aspect did break my heart as the doctor says it's extremely likely Leo will need to start growth hormone treatment very shortly and after a few more tests to confirm this. Basically his feet have not grown since May 2008 when he was diagnosed and his height is going downhill fast on the growth charts doctors are so fond of. He's now 101.7cm and I think he was 98 cm in May 2008 which means very little growth in nearly two years.

The other scary thing therefore is if his pituitary gland has been damaged which means he's not growing properly, it's therefore much more likely that Leo will develop learning disabilities which affect his memory. We have though decided to not go down the route of neurologists just yet as they cannot give us an accurate basis of what Leo's needs will be for a couple more years.

We are however very worried about Leo's nightmares which he has regularly, pretty much every week. I've managed to eventually get to the bottom of what his nightmares are about and one example from last night is that there are 'people trying to kill me' - again, you can imagine PJ and I being rather concerned about what's going on that he consistently is having nightmares about death ... and not just anyone's death but his own. We've never, ever, ever spoken to him about dying - certainly never approached anything about him dying - he was too young to ask if he was going to die when he was on active treatment, but perhaps he's realising how serious things are despite the cancer not returning as yet? He's most certainly very aware that none of the other 23 children in his class miss so much school due to so many hospital appointments.

PJ and I have therefore decided to ask his oncologist to refer him for some help with his thoughts and fears about who he is and what's happened to him so far.

Another example of where Leo's head is right now is something which happened after the hospital on Monday - when we go to the hospital, we usually have to go to the Oncology Day Beds Unit where it's shoved in our faces about how serious things have been, still are and could be more so in the future - children with no hair and that sick cancer stare are pretty much everywhere (or so it feels) when we return to the hospital. I hate going there but would never let Leo know or feel this from me. But on Monday, he said to me he wished Morgan was in his class and when I asked why, he told me it was because Leo was like Morgan (and this wasn't Morgan, the lovely girl in his class ... this was Morgan, with whom he'd played for about 10 minutes whilst I discussed cataracts and growth hormones with his doctor).

So after just 10 minutes of playing with another child who was bald through chemo, Leo felt so comfortable with him, he wished they were in school together! I think it also shows that Leo somehow does not feel connected with most of the children in his class. To look at Leo, you'd never know his history unless you knew why he wears his sunglasses so much (to protect his eyes and also due to the cataract in his right eye causing so much discomfort in daylight).

Despite trying to keep away from any families we met throughout our journey during treatment, purely to protect ourselves from the reminder of what Leo has been through, we know feel that perhaps as Leo grows up, he may need a circle of people and friends around him who really do know exactly, 110% how he feels at any given time ...and we've now realised from his comment on Monday, that he needs to have those friends and associates now.

So we've got in touch with one other family whose son had the same type of cancer at the same time as Leo, but a year older. We'll go meet them on Sunday and God willing, once those boys are 15 years of age, or 25 years old or older (please God...), if they come across things such as job problems, or cataracts problems or not being able to have children - all due to their cancer treatment - they'll be able to talk through their fears and thoughts together, as they'll most likely know more about how the other one feels than we will!!

Tomorrow's a new day and please let Leo have a few nightmare-free nights...please...

Just back from Cornwall

Just back from a lovely family break in Cornwall - Leo loved it with all the swimming and playing on the beach at Watergate Bay. He struggled with the sun a lot despite it still being February, but his sunglasses were a constant so no complaining there!

Leo's back to school on Tuesday and looking forward to it, for sure. No appointments coming up although waiting on his hearing test which should be soon (to check it's not been damaged by the chemo although I think Leo is a typical male - listens when he needs to) and I think the kidney test that his oncologist had planned will be done when we see the neuro-endocrine consultant again in March.

Video Time Again plus the Fundraising Has Begun

Hope you love this as much as we do - and hope you watched to the end and the lovely wave Leo does from behind the screen at about 4 min 8 seconds into the video! Priceless, I think - but then I am rather biased being blessed as Leo's mother!

We've got through January 2010 with all it's ups and downs of way too many hospital visits but at least Leo's tumour is unchanged so all's good there plus his chest x-ray was unchanged too - will know more about other things such as his eye and growth hormone treatment this and next month in terms of on-going treatment as a result of the chemo and radiotherapy.

Another great news event - we've finally started our fundraising campaign for CLIC Sargent, the fabulous UK children's cancer charity who've certainly not only helped us immensely but I know have helped other families who are having to deal with their child having cancer or leukemia. We've got through 2009 without too many incidents and no sign of the cancer returning, so now we can do out bit to help other families whose children are now very sick and need our help.

Last night, I hosted a very successful Pampered Chef Party here in Bristol and we've raised over £200 with every penny going to CLIC Sargent - final sum is not in just yet but it's a fabulous start!

Thanks to all the lovely ladies who attended which included some of the mums of children in Leo's school class and I do hope they had as good as time as I did.

Just knowing that the money raised will help other families facing up to their child being so sick is very gratifying. CLIC Sargent do an awesome job and supported us not only with a roof over our head when Leo first started his cancer treatment, but also helped Leo understand through play what was happening with the CLIC Sargent Play Specialists who play a vital role in the cancer journey.

Thanks again and come back soon to hear about other fundraising events this year including my bike ride of over 60 miles from London to Oxford at the end of June! Training is already underway...and yes, it hurts!

Musical Delights

Need I say more?

Medical Update and other things

Leo's most recent MRI and his chest x-ray this month have both been unchanged so we're smiling a-plenty! Now the snow has gone, he's even done lots of days at school in amongst all the hospital visits and we're there again Thursday; this time it's the turn of the neuroendocrine people to decide where we're up to in terms of Leo's growth. Cannot remember for sure but we think he's put on some weight (and is eating brilliantly right now) and we think he's grown about 2-3 cms since last time so fingers crossed they'll decide he's done enough to stay away from the hormone treatment for now. Surely if he's exercising and eating really healthily then we can somehow trick his body into growing and thriving without the need for injections or intervention right now?

Anyway, he's doing brilliantly and was awarded his Little Star Award from Cancer Research UK in front of the school and TV crew last week, and has also been in the local newspaper - we're all very proud and even his school friends gave him a huge round of applause which was lovely. His school are very family friendly and have a family assembly on Fridays and so we took great pleasure in joining the children and other parents in applauding Leo for his bravery.

It's Leo's 5th birthday this Wednesday and this last year has come around actually rather quickly, despite all the stresses which post-treatment brings. I remember this time last year almost being convinced we'd not be fortunate enough to celebrate another birthday with Leo, but he's doing so brilliantly now, that I just think his 6th birthday will be an even bigger celebration.

A Very Very Happy New Year

Woo hoo - it's 2010 and we're all still here!

We had a lovely family Christmas and saw lots of friends and extended family over the past two weeks. Some we didn't quite manage to get to see as we've also had a few serious issues with Leo's behaviour. It almost seems that since he's started asking questions about why he's at the hospital what feels like every week, his anger just tips the scales and it then becomes all out war.

PJ and I are thankfully seeing Gail, the therapist we met when Leo was under active treatment at the Bristol Children's Hospital this Thursday. We've also invested in the 1-2-3-Magic book for kids which Leo enjoyed me reading to him - it's a technique normally used for children with ADD / ADHD but we're having some joy.

On a fabulous note, Leo has been awarded the Little Stars Award from Cancer Research UK, not just for his bravery during treatment but for all the time he spends at different hospitals and the on-going treatment he is facing. He is so proud of himself and actually it's given PJ and I the chance to actually say the word 'cancer' to him without it scaring us all to death - sorry, bad choice of words but it really is that scary a word for me personally! The sooner I get over that and treat Leo's tumour as 'cancer' and as part of normality, the better it is for Leo as we do not want him to be frightened of the word either.

So Leo won a silver star, t-shirt which tells all he is a Little Star, a teddy bear with Little Star on it plus £50 to spend! How lucky is he? Well actually, luck has nothing to do with it as to be awarded the Little Star Award, one has to have had cancer!!! Anyway, we're all extremely proud of him indeed and he will be in the newspaper soon to show off his award.

So he's been through alot already and recognised for his bravery; funnily enough Leo has an MRI with a general anaesthetic scheduled again for tomorrow, he had his blood taken (with no tears at all...seriously not one tear) yesterday for the nutritionist to tell us what we can do to ensure Leo is as healthy as possible; he then has yet another chest x-ray, another appointment with the neuro-endocrinology consultant about starting daily growth hormone injections in his stomach, an appointment with the homeopathy consultant and also seeing his oncology consultant for the bi-monthly review - and that's all before the end of January. So when you see it all like that, I'd be a bit peeved and angry if all that was happening to me too!! I dare not look at the diary for February!!

Plus thinking of January's diary entries, Leo is 5 on January 27th and as with all other big events such as Christmas and the turning over of another year from 2009 to 2010, we are forever thankful he is still with us as he approaches his fifth birthday. I know of a brave and wonderful family who lost their precious son over Christmas to cancer and so this really brings home how harsh life can be for our special children. May the Angels look after him and them now and forever.

It's times like this we're thankful to have been able to spend time with my brother, his wife and their simply beautiful daughter Sophie. They were home from Dubai and we were lucky enough to see them twice. The pics say it all.

Thanks for all the cards and best wishes over the Christmas period and warmest best wishes to you for this New Year.