What, If Anything, Is Going On?

So I get to school to pick Leo up on Thursday evening and I'm asked to speak with the Deputy??? It was very strange, as anyone will tell you, it feels like you're back in your own school days, not those of your 4 year old son.

After discussing how traumatised Leo was when one of the other children was showing a photo of their new baby sister who had a tube in their nose, we then had to discuss a horrendous incident which resulted in Leo biting the Head and both punching and scratching one of his favourite teachers.

Now this kind of behaviour was last seen when Leo was first diagnosed last May, when he was incredibly angry with me as he blamed me for being back in England and could not understand why I had been in hospital and now he was. We managed it then with some useful anger management strategies including telling him it's okay to be angry and that if he wanted to hit something, he was to hit a pillow. Very quickly, but not easily, his anger calmed.

However on this occasion, he's hitting out at other people with whom he has built trust and also happy relationships. This incident is also built on the fact he's been more clingy with me over the past 10 days, certainly has a cold plus has repeatedly said he'd like to go to hospital because he's sick again. Unfortunately he also started telling me he had a big eye again (but there's no obvious swelling or poking out of his right eye at this stage so no dreadfu concern but partner this info with everything else and you cannot help but have awful thoughts going on).

To add to this, he has a cough and today he asked me to turn the CD off in the car because he wanted to tell me that sometimes he feels like he cannot breath?! (Do not panic, H....ask him another question with no sign of concern....; this was my internal chat with myself once he'd said this). And so he went on to say he sometimes feels like he cannot breath and it's not his cough and so I asked if he had pain anywhere and he said his neck hurt. All a bit odd and not really what you want your 4 year old son telling you.

During the incident at school, he had also put his hands round his own throat and was saying 'you're hurting me, you're hurting me', which we had taken to him trying to get a reaction from his teacher who was trying to calm him down. But now, with this further info from Leo today, I now have a niggling thing going on in my head about whether he really has an issue with his actual neck, or is it because of the cough? His food intake is down but he is drinking so perhaps this indicates little or no throat soreness?

Anyway, if we try to get our heads around it and try to be rational, then those awful irrational thoughts always force their way in.

So we hope to be able to speak with his oncologist on Monday as well as meeting with his school, who have been supportive since Thursday's incident. With luck, we will be able to also be put in touch with the hospital's children's psychology team who can advise us all on some strategies to deal with any further concerns, anxiety and anger which Leo may be have.

The Ups and the Downs

The Ups - events like last weekend in Uxbridge with my old school friends and seeing Leo's smiling face when the bands were singing and then someone started playing drums, and he was beside himself with excitement about these new rock stars!

The Downs - the on-going coughs, the endless cold which we're never sure will turn into an infection again, the coughing up of phlegm then promptly swallowing it again - and yes, all these things are perfectly normal childhood winter things / issues, but our senses are on edge at all times. And so if he continues to have low grade fevers and getting so very tired and not really wanting to do much, then at what point do we call his doctors? I guess we'll just know.

Bless him, Leo keeps saying he needs to go to the hospital because 'I am sick, Mummy' and then follows this up by talking about his big eye and small eye??? Panicking...me? You bet! But enjoying Leo and what he brings to us every day. His smiling cuteness, his funny jokes, his singing and dancing and his energy when he talks about rock stars!!

Rock n' Roll Baby!

What an awesome night was had by just about everyone at the Abrook Arms in Uxbridge last night!

Leo loved it and everyone involved was buzzing. Matt Tombs, who organised the entire event, with the help of loads of musicians, and Martine and her mum at the pub, have all done such a stellar job to raise crucial funds for Clic Sargent, who in this economic state just like other charities are being affected.

The total raised on the night so far was just over £1500!!! What an awesome effort and thanks for all involved.

Leo will forever worship Rock Star Matt, who will forever be fixed in our hearts for his mighty fine support, belief, discipline and all out 'let's do this' attitude.It's a massive credit to him personally that so much cash was raised and that so many people turned out for the big night.

Thanks to all.

H x and Leo xxx